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NEW TOUR FALL 2010 tickets here: tinyurl.com my new CD, "words, words, words," is here: itunes.apple.com the opening joke is based off of a jim gaffigan joke (i apologize i meant to acredit him) thank
●your so bad ass
●He should've waited 4 days to post it so he could post it on 3/14 D:
●do you know what an accurate statement is? the person behind that computer replying to my comments is a low life scumbag replying to my comment hating. bye hater.
●He's freakin adorable! (:
●this was the greatest and most humble rap ive ever heard!!!:)
●"heres my impression of a broken jet ski" lmao.
●what is up with him and 3 year olds???
●Mt ex girlfriend had a really weird fedish she liked to dress up ass herself and act like a fuckin bitch
●lol! funny vid
●I've been doing drive-by's all my life, guns my newspaper my car is my bike.lol
●want to rofl? turn on captions - transcribe audio beta epicness ensues
●Fuckin awesome
●That prolonged smile after yeast infection caused me to laugh endlessly XD
●that's not even the best of it
●Haha loved that- good performer too, when you were talking to the invisible guy :p You had a bit of a tenacious D feel IMO, just cuz it's a bit of a laugh and not taken seriously, but still musically talented.
●the taste of my wiener ;)
●the taste of my wiener ;)
●Wow... He's lyrically amazing! "I took my cereal, stabbed it open with a knife. Snorted that sh*t and got high on life." And "I've been doing drive-bys all my life, crept the bullets were newspapers and the car is my bike."
●lyrical genius
●... 
●wooooshhhhhh
●Those were posted in March, pay attention.
●Its not Pie day
●He is truly clever. All around talented guy, that's for sure.
●he was 16 then!

Jim Gaffigan talks about Jesus and Christianity in this clip from his Comedy Central stand-up special and DVD "Beyond the Pale". "Mr Universe" his new 75 min special is available for $5 at jimgaffigan
●\m/ \m/ \m/ Gaffigan!!!
●WOW, AMAZING SINGER FOR 14.LETS GET HER ON ELLEN. THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR CHANNEL PAGE WITH US ,WE LOVE IT ,THUMBS UP FROM IRELAND. WE WOULD BE VERY HONOURED IF YOU WOULD TAKE THE TIME TO LISTEN TO SARAH TONER AN AMAZING TALENTED IRISH SINGER WHO IS JUST 14.YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPOINTED. IF YOU LIKE SARAH PLEASE SHOW HER YOUR SUPPORT , UP LOAD HER VIDEO,SENDIT TO ALL YOUR FRIENDSPROMOTE HER TO YOUR SUBSCRIBERS AND TWITTERS. THANK YOU AND KINDEST REGARDS.
●Iv heard carlos mensia tell this joke b4
●Jesus loves everybody below this :)
●Jesus loves you too.
●Look at the clowns below me arguing to see whos internet dick is bigger. Shut the fuck up and enjoy the video
●There you go again with your choice of words "normal", "rational", and "intelligent" when the people who are doing it aren't necessarily that of the above. Dude, I would have so much fun talking about this in real life for a few hours over beers, but arguing over youtube is such a pain in the ass and no matter what your point is I believe you're mostly wasting energy because you don't know who you're arguing against.
●Doesn't matter who is making a stupid claim, if the claim is bullshit then it ought to be corrected. If an atheist wants to come here and start saying the moon is made of cheese and anyone who doesn't believe this will be tortured forever, then normal rational people are going to call him out on it. Same goes for Christians coming on here presenting their beliefs as facts and making up bullshit to support it.
●I do feel like you're biased. There are plenty of intelligent people of faith, and there are plenty of idiots who are atheists. If you feel like you're intelligent, fine. But don't present your whole base as "intelligent people". I wouldn't be surprised that some Christians believe the moon is made of cheese but I wouldn't be surprised that some atheists believe the moon is made of cheese either. No matter what you believe, theorize, or politically align yourself, there are idiots in your camp.
●That was just an analogy, although i wouldn't be surprised if there were some Christians who believe the moon is made of cheese. No there are no arguments to be made to the existence of Jesus. Anyone who believes in Jesus does so on 100% faith, which is fine because people can believe whatever they want. But when they start to present their beliefs as knowledge and go as far as to make shit up to support it, then thats where the intelligent people come in to correct their misinformation.
●Please do not think that Christians are that dumb, lookup the definition of "strawman argument". There are arguments to be made on the existence of a higher power/afterlife. Also, I don't argue on youtube so lets not do that. If you respectfully disagree I understand.
●there is no argument, its just rational people trying to correct the Christians on the misinformation they're spreading. This is not an argument: "Hey guys the moon is made of cheese" "no its not"
●Moses, we think maybe you've been burnin' some bush.
●Jesus sucks. Now downvote me 281 times.
●that makes no sense at all
●As a born again Christian, I know god isn't real.
●quit taking versus out of context...and don,t mix old and new testament, and yes every1 sins everyday...the difference is christians should always try not to sin(but they will), but you dont want to intentionally sin Hebrews 10:26
●I was raised Catholic, and everything he said about Catholics is 100% true. 
●In my mind, jim looks like a moses
●like if u laughed 
●Jesus would laugh at this :) 
●During Synagogue (I'm Jewish), I'll stare at all the cute guys there... Pretty religious, I must say.... :)
●FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK
●@EAGLExLAXER; who the hell created existence? A god that already existed? Yeah ok...& I love how jealousy is a sin but it says in the bible "god is a jealous god." & it's a sin to be homosexual...in the same book, (1st Timothy) it says to stone your wife if she has an affair..but it says "thou shalt not kill." The bible contradicts itself too much for me. & you "Christians" say it's a sin to be gay & you act like you don't sin. It says EVERYONE sins everyday. Judging is a sin yet most Christian
●I LOVE YOU JIMM!! -3

Jim Gaffigan talks about his love of bacon in this clip from his brand new stand up special and DVD "King Baby", on sale now!! CD and DVD available online at JimGaffigan.com, Amazon, iTunes & in Targe
●Amen for bacon!
●Bacon is the greatest thing on Earth.
●But what he SAYS as the audience is so right on and funny as hell! You really don't get it? I guess different strokes......BACONNNNNN!!!!!!
●next time I go to a breakfast buffet, I am going to scream out "I found the source of all bacon!"
●YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY!!!! BACONNNNN!!!!
●If you listen to his stuff, you realize when he isn't doing stand-up, hes doing nothing. He has the life
●What a terrible comedian. Nothing like talking in funny voices pretending to be the audience every other sentence.
●83 people love love Satan apparently
●83 people don't like bacon. >.>
●BIPITY BPOITY BACON
●I'm vegitarian, and I love Jim Gaffigans stuff. Even the one about vegitarians and this one. He is just that awesome.
●havent you noticed? HE DOES ABSOLUTLY NOTHING ALL DAY
●thats my catch phrase
●best comedian ever(thats a fact)one of my favorites jokes that jim did a while ago was:"animals are fun to pet,but better to chew"so true,haha XD
●I was sold on "BIBBITY BOBBITY BACON"
●this is so funny i wonder where he comes up with that stuff
●So, you don't need to post exactly what we just heard.
●yehh soo? >.<
●i dont fully understand it but jim just saying the word bacon makes me laugh harder than most comedians. One truelly unique comic right here
●Wha...? Never had bacon... How? Go eat some. now. Most bacon is delicious but there are some bad brands out there.
●We watched the video too, dude.
●it's rely rely rely good
●I've never had bacon... is it rely that good????
●bkalbsdas
●Jim Gaffigan - one of the best live acts EVER!

Jim Gaffigan talks about holiday traditions in this clip from his Comedy Central stand-up special and DVD "Beyond the Pale". Available NOW at JimGaffigan.com!
●I like it were gonna decorate it FOR JESUS
●hes not the only clean comedian. look up brian rhegan. hes a whole lot cleaner than jim gaffigan and about the same level of funny-tude.
●Kitty want some candy
●My friend and I always do the drunk man with the Christmas tree and the confused wife.
●but what came first...the egg or the rabbit?
●i like pie. and halloween. isa nice.
●Freaking hilarious! He was at my new talent show..he was the best..My husband and I could not stop laughing!
●the reason our Holidays dont make any sense is because they are pagan and non-christian. Jesus was not born on christmas and he did not rise again on easter. Traditional pagan holidays fabricated for our happiness and to help stimulate wealth for mega-corps.
●The rabbits were associated with Easter eggs because one of the places eggs where hidden were hidden was at the edge of rabbit holes. There is more to Easter than rabbits.
●Neither the egg nor the rabbit have anything to do with Christianity. Both of them are pagan fertility symbols - the word Easter itself means "fertility". The festival of easter predates Christ by a long way, and the "christianized" version was wallpapered on top around 1000 AD.
●Largely correct - although both the rabbit and the egg are symbols of fertility. The confusion of symbols derives from the fact that traditions were absorbed from both Germanic and Celtic celebrations..
●DAIRY 
●if only that was the true story. unfortinatly though the cathlic church at that time did more harm to man kind then it did good. sad times
●oh, dont worry, there's a bunny. lmfao. gamble chocolate :)
●:) 
●easter was originally a germanic pagan holiday, where eggs symbolized the renewal of life in spring. in some regions it was a chicken that delivered eggs, which makes more sense, but in others it was a rabbit. as the church spread throughout europe, adopting and modifying existing traditions it fit into christianity was fairly common. the pagan holiday fit in pretty easily, but no one knows how the rabbit won out against the chicken over time.
●I sorta get why we have eggs because of rebirth but a fucking bunny?!
●lol thats Legend ... wait for it .......
●Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. LOL.
●AWWWwwww, i got the one filled with toothpaste!
●Watching this on Easter-Love it
●thumbs up if this video made your easter even better today :)
●It really doesn't, but you could argue that the three parts of the one egg (yolk, white, shell) is like the Holy Trinity (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) being one. I actually read that in Medieval times, they used to not eat eggs over the Lenten season so they'd hard boil them and eat them on Easter, hence Easter eggs. I'm not sure how accurate that is, but it's an explanation.
●honey why is there a pine tree in our living room i like it where gonna where gonna decorate it for jesus
●Watched this in my AP econ class at a Catholic school. My teacher's the best

Jim Gaffigan talks about Waffle House in this clip from his new stand up special and DVD "King Baby", on sale now!! CD and DVD available online at JimGaffigan.com, Amazon, iTunes & in Target stores ev
●First of all you stupid prick, you have obviously never been to the right one. Try Monteagle Tn. Second of all ass hole, I have worked for WH for 16 years. I have a college education and still chose to work there. It's a great job. I do NOT consider myself white trash! This video is horrible and judgmental. It discriminates and belittles people that is employed by WH. You should be ashamed of yourself. Thumbs down for you.
●Sooooooo god damn funny man!!!! I absolutely love this guy! Something you'll never hear in a Waffle House "Nice job cleaning up!" Haha...absolutey hilarious material!!!!!!!!!!!
●he's a master of comedy
●lol i love the bit where he talks about ihop "it shouldnt be called ihop, i never feel like hopping. I barely move, i need a wheel chair."
●i like ihop :)
●Holy shiit! Me and my father went into a waffle house at, like, 1:00 AM and him and his buddies were SO GOD DAMN DRUNK. This guy's a prophet!
●On our way back from Florida we counted the amount of waffle houses we saw because I had pointed out that the colors of the waffle house sign was the same as the adult video stores. There was 47 waffle houses that we could view from the highway.
●"Their slogan: It's 2am. Still time to make one more bad decision."
●"Gas Station/Bathroom that sells waffles" ROFL
●This is soooooooo true
●He actually used to swear a lot in his early days. Weird eh?
●this place looks familiar..... i think i threw up in here.... Oh and there it is!
●Check out brian regan too. He is very clean.
●The "Affle House" thing actually happened to one of the Waffle Houses where I live
●I love this guy
●the waffle house where I live is actually pretty nice. o.O
●@swedishfish110193 "choke pocketttttt!"
●waffle house is the shit.... love the cheese burgers.
●My gawh, I hate Waffle house. xD
●The IHOP I go to is pretty classy for a breakfast join, the Waffel House on the otherhand is still a Waffel House.
●i had a gun put to my head while my husband and i were working at the w/h ,,,the customers helped the process i swear i almost got shot over the w/h thats why they don't care,,, one time there was a f***n shoot out in the parking lot.... yes its true u see gun there ,,,but its not the employees bringing the guns its the customers,,,,after 2 on fri and sat the wackos come out i don't work there i want to see my kids grow up ,,,
●I went on a family trip to Florida once. For anyone that lives i an area where this franchise doesn't run, JIM IS NOT EXAGGERATING. The place is the back-alley of restaurants. One thing I do respect about Waffle House, though. The filthy interior really doesn't look much different than the kitchen of any other common eating establishment. The only difference is WH doesn't give enough of a passing shit to build an actual dining room. I admit, I kinda like that "We're filthy, FUCK YOU" attitude.
●ive seen a gun five times in my life three of them have ben at waffle house
●Ive never been to a waffle house but it reminds me of this place i went to called EAT RITE. basically a trailer park home with a mom and 30 yr old son cookin breakfast at 2am.

Jim Gaffigan talks about his favorite dessert in this clip from his Comedy Central stand-up special and DVD, "Beyond the Pale". Available NOW at JimGaffigan.com!
●37 people have no sense of humor and live a miserable life!!!! If you don't laugh at this....seriously...there really is something chemically wrong with your brain!!!!!!!!!!!
●It escapes me how he comes up with this material! So god damn funny!!!! He's just so naturally funny, so effortless...like he was just born that way....it's so hard to be funny if you're not born with it...LOVE this guy!!!!
●Go check on grandma...
●"well, looks like im not showering today" cuts to the sweaty guy.
●just mail it to relatives lmfaooooo sooo fucking true.
●I once at 3 minimuffins..... XD
●Love his whispery voice~ lol
●yeah last night i had 4 pieces of cake
●I'm eating cake for breakfast right now hahaha
●agreed
●you don't have to watch him then...
●"Young man, you're not having cake for breakfast, you're having FRIED cake with SYRUP for breakfast."
●I find it insulting.
●35 people don't like cake. >.>
●Jim Gaffagan and Steven Wright are two of my favorite comedians.
●That's what I like about him too. He's a clean comedian, and still better than most.
●Cake has to be really good for me to want it...
●Oh I'm just gonna like one or twelve...
●i just had cake!!!!
●2:37 NOM NOM!!!!!
●No it just proves he isn't filthy. They are all real... he just isn't filthy.
●fail
●No offense but is that not called a parody joke?
●Wow he's as funny to me as Carlos Mencia is which i miss his show a lot damn comedy central!!! btw does anyone know if Robin Williams is still doing stand up?

Jim Gaffigan talks about cinnabons in this classic clip from Jim's stand-up special and DVD "Beyond the Pale". Available NOW at JimGaffigan.com!
●moron
●They both mention the shame on the faces of the people in the queue and they both mention buying one at an airport. That said I still believe it's just a coincidence.
●my guess is Jim and Louis were on the cinnabon line together
●It once took me like 20 minutes to eat a cinnabon. NEVER AGAIN O_o
●did he stole the cinnabon joke from louie ck, was it the other way?, or just a coincidence?, maybe we'll never know =O
●who is louis??...does he run with clark??
●"Beyond the Pale" is from 2005 (or 2006 according to some sources). I don't know when Louis wrote his Cinnabon joke, but from what I know it's from "Chewed Up" in 2008. So... why blame this dude one-sidedly? Just because Louis is more popular doesn't mean Gaffigan is a bad comic!
●I've seen them eating Cinnabons together
●I heard this show before I ever went to an airport. Then, at the Atlanta International Airport, I saw them, and I said to myself, "Jim Gaffigan was right! These things DO need a wheelbarrow!"
●...the bits are only similar in that they mention cinnabons. If you replace cinnabon with some other pastry you wouldn't be saying Gaffigan ripped off Louis.
●definitely ripped off Louie CK 
●Louis CK and Jim Gaffigan are good friends.
●Louis ck was first
●848,000. That's me!
●I think i just got a cavity!
●How to make a top comment: (insert line from video here) and POST
●demetri martin at 0:50 on the right
●louis ck does it better
●what's that smell?? OH i just got a cavity....:D:D
●I dont know who did it first, Louie CK or this guy, but the Cinnabon jokes are TOOOO similar and that is a rip.
●I LOVE THIS GUY!! HOT POCKETS ARE MY FAV! 😄
●would you like a fat faggot treat ?
●"he has his pants off in alot of jokes" LMAO
●I agree that this joke is really similar to Louis CK's. But to say that it's 'ripped' is a little much. And as far as the observations about Cinnabon being at at an airport; that's where Cinnabons ARE, almost exclusively. I think you need more than a few similarities before you accuse a comedian of something as harsh as joke stealing, which in comedy, is like beating a puppy with a hooker. Now, carlos mencia, he's a joke thief, left and right.
●this is sticky without pants on..

Jim Gaffigan on the Late Show with David Letterman
●m a vegetarian and everyone laughs and wags food in my face :/
●I just want to point of the redundancy of my comment before someone else does.
●Good point. You must live a full and fulfilling life.
●does anyone know whether king baby is better or beyond the pale???
●fuck niggers
●what do you do when you like both??
●Dane Cook is shit. jk, he's pretty good, just thought I'd jump on the bandwagon; so f*ck Justin Bieber too
●Well I haven't had a banana in a month!
●Dane Cook is the shit
●spot on, fucking spot on!
●Btw...I'm sure you have much better reasons than my comment to be ashamed you're human. : ) (Ironically, a Brian Regan line.)
●Louis CK is hysterical. Apparently, ir seems that maybe you yourself cannot laugh at someone unless they use the word "fuck." I understand that. But it doesn't mean Brian Regan isn't as funny. Louis CK would agree. I've met him, and we covered this subject.
●Brian regan? BWAHAHAHAHAHA that guy is one of the UNfunniest comedians in the world. Seriously....I agree that jim gaffigan is funny, but brian regan? WOW. Seriously, you and the 58 people who gave your comment a thumbs up need to be shot like dogs. Your comment makes me ashamed to be human. PS. louis ck would murder brian regan in a stand up contest
●I like Dane Cook. But I like Gaffigan more.
●loooks like u only like irish comics
●YOU got to add brian regan.........
●I love you Jim!
●george carlin, brian regan, jim gaffigan, louis ck, bill hicks in no order of course
●yes.
●In no particular order my favs are- Jim Gaffigan Bo Burnham Louis CK Adam Sandler Daniel Tosh
●Creme Fraiche [sic] was inspired by Jim Gaffigan.
●hello 240p long time no see
●And you are responding to a seven month old comment... proving my point that it doesnt matter anymore
●I highly doubt anyone is stealing material from Kevin James.
●Like i said before...if they really were half-gorillas, they would have more hair and gorillas would have less. Im sorry but your logic is kind of flawed.

Jim Gaffigan talks about Hot Pockets in this clip from his special and DVD, "Beyond the Pale".
●hot pockets are like eating a turd. so by the time it comes out its digested twice. lol
●when he says "Hot Pockets!" in a high pitched voice, I think he sounds like Will Ferrell...
●I am eating a pizza hot pocket while watching this lol
●this isnt funny at all...
●76 dislikes means 76 hotpockets have just been sold,enjoy?
●OMG LOL hes sooo funny best comiden eva!!!
●No its a frozen (that you warm up in a microwave) bread that has a meat filling with bbq sauce.
●Tehe
●haha well it is isn't it?
●It's a particular brand of pasty-esque foodstuffs. Frozen flaky crusts filled with salt and sadness meant to be consumed at 3 am with a side of Mountain Dew.
●I've never had a hot pocket. I think I might try ... What the hell am I THINKING????
●GOOD MORNING! ...ur about to call in sick ahahahahaha
●I'm eating a Hot Pocket right now =D
●i'm guessing it's the american word for a pasty
●i want a hot pocket
●seriously ?
●Very Funny
●what the hell is a hot pocket
●1:39 
●I just finished eating 2 lol
●Hot pocket and a Side of toilet paper
●my 2 y/o loses his mind at the 0.59 mark. (🎶hot pocket...🎶)
●I know! Like, I'll watch some comedians with that stuff, but it's hard to watch them around your parents. I like a guy who's just funny and doesnt need cursing or sex jokes to get an audience to laugh

Jim Gaffigan talks about his love for bologna in this clip from his stand up special and DVD "KING BABY", on sale now!! CD and DVD available online at JimGaffigan.com, Amazon, iTunes & in Target store
●Thank god Finnish language has phonetic spelling.
●some more confusing words...to any1 who doesnt speak english as their first language....sell, cell, sale, sail....fair, fare...right, rite, write, wright, site, sight, cite...for, fore, four...heard, hurd, herd...to, too, two...and so on lol can see why it can be harder than most languages to learn
●I HAD NO idea that boloni was spelled bologna like the italian city...well now it makes sense, since bologna (the city) is famous for ham, salami, cheese, and meat....
●The great English language.
●I saw this guy last month and it was amazing. He's funny on recording but he's phenomenal in person!
●colonerl coloe coleoh that hard word its freaking kernel not that freaking cole colonel whatever!
●There's a difference between a silent letter and a letter that sounds like a completely different letter
●I pronounce bologna as it's spelled.
●hahahaaaa
●i don't see no g!
●I call U.P.S ups
●I don't prefer it. I will eat it though. I just pretend as if I had to become accustomed to it. I also like to think of all the peole in this world that rarely get a chance to it.
●I have too much respect for myself to eat a cold hot dog pressed into a sheet.
●Im liker number 1020. Take that disslikers :) 
●BOLOGNA. There's a g in the wor- I DON'T SEE ANY G, WE'RE GOING WITH BOLOGNA. I swear. I died of laughter
●@misfitpirate897, I would have asked the definition first. "Okay, DAPTXDC4869 spell Colonel" "K-E-R-N-E-L kernel."
●Maybe that's just a quote from the video talking...
●I lost my spelling bee on Colonel. .__.
●No, it's not. It's pronounced suht-l. No d's there.
●funny. but seriously though i don't eat balogna... something about the taste and gritty/ rubbery texture and not knowing what exactly is in it is terribly disgusting... i think the last time i ate balogna i gagged through half a sandwich before removing it and just eating the rest as a cheese sandwich.
●Yeah it is subtle is pronounce suddle
●No it's not.
●That's a bunch of bologna
●I'm teh 1000th liker
●i thought it was spelled bolony. now i realize its just like hamburger and frankfurter. (only without the -er)